Posts tagged germany



As you probbably noticed, i havnt been writing much heer reecently, and probbably i wont do it for quite a while. But you can see my new veedeos on youtube. Heer is the ad to it:  


the first 3 veedeos of the seeries LANDES E LINGUAS ar on youtube, about 1) the portuguese language, 2) Argentina, 3) the german language. Thare will be veedeos about languages and other subjects, but most of them will be about countries. I was in 146 countries, mostly hitchhiking but sometimes also cycling or walking, and i had a lot of trouble with robbers, poleece and women.

If you speek the 5 basic languages – the same as in this e-mail – you can acompany the spoken text, it is the uppermost line of the subtitles below, in the first 2 veedeos. From veedeo 3 on the languages stay always in the same position – so it is eesier to reed it without stress and enjoy your life. If you cant speek all the 5 languages, it is better to concentrate on a single language.
If you want to go straight to my first veedeo and ar a normal person, see veedeo 1B: If you’r a language nerd, look for the compleet version, with the number 1A. If you dont hav much time, see a short clip (1C, 1D). Heer is the link to the index of youtube veedeos: And for the other videos 2, 3 etc it is the same system. Soon mor veedeos will come.
And dont forget: if you dont understand something, you can stop the film and reed in peece, or you can go bak and reed what you didnt understand. No problem, dont worry, we understand it perfectly that not evrybody can be linguistically as brilliant as us.
You dont hav to be discreet about this e-mail, you can tell about it to the whole world, share, like, love, etc
Hav fun, if possible



(i wanted to hav an extra-posting heer, but somehow evrything changed now, and i cant find a way)
Thare isnt much to do with D, it just disappears in the word ‘sandwich’. But many things happen with the letter E. Silent E’s without a function ar droppd: ar, hav, hartless. Quite a few E’s could be seen as silent, but also as being pronounced as a shwa, the obscure vowel as the E in ‘vowel’. In these cases they remain in the word, exept befor R when it makes a consonant duplication unnecessary: genral, seprate, difrent insted of genneral, sepparate, different.
The rule for stressd short vowels is: they must be followd by 2 or mor consonants, and if this is not the case, we double it, exept befor the endings -ic, -ity and -ogy. Example: The fettid flattulence was a calamity for the lunatic iddiot. Consonant duplication has almost only that function, and if it doesnt fulfill that function it is simplified: Sometimes the rifraf gets an anoying diarea and atacks the Hel’s Angels.
The rule for stressd long vowels: long vowels ar followd by one consonant and a vowel, and if thare is no long vowel, we insert the magic E, as in ‘late, bite, cute’. The magic-E is a bizarr way to show the length of a vowel, seprated by a consonant, but it is the usual way english does it, and thats the genral way to do it in the House Stile: wate, mite, bote, fule. The ending -le/ly is considderd as a single vowel, which means that we double after a short vowel: We struggle and we tussle for a giggling future.
The long E is not made with magic-E, it is made with EE: The theef had a feer of getting diabeetis, tharefor he had a pane in the reer.
Short E is spelld with E. But words like ‘any’ and ‘many’ hav to wait for the letter N, then we can spell ‘enny’ and ‘menny’. We hav to wait with thees rules in many cases, for example to spell ‘wate’ for ‘wait’ and ‘weight’ we hav to wait for the letter I, thare we can drop the I.
Altogether: when we drop a letter, the most likely way to pronounce the resulting word has to be the way the word is pronounced. If two words with the same pronunciation ar spelld the same way, it is not a problem, but a word cant be changed if the new form is alreddy occupied by another word with a different pronunciation, so we cant spell ‘own’ as ‘one’, becaus that has a different pronunciation and thare is no W-rule in HS to change ‘one’ to ‘wun’ (or ‘won’).
Normally this is a seeries about countries, but sometimes i talk about other subjects. At the moment i giv german lessons for refugees, and i write about it for the german newspaper Berliner Zeitung. So i’ll post some of thees articles heer. At the beginning the communication with the students was quite difficult, and we wer only able to talk to eech other in a “train station german”, as germans call it: very basic, with no grammar. In english you’d say BSE, bad simple english. In this case very bad and very simple. But the spelling is HS.
My Shazza – liv together many yeers – say me too long too much front computer my little office, this is cocoon, me should go out – why dont teech german to refugees? Thare is many! OK, OK, then me teech german for big charity in refugee center, at leest do something useful. But befor beginning classes we hav refugee barbecue party. Hopefuly thare is enough refugee left to teech when class beginn. Month later get 2 presence list plus 1 absence list – but usually me can see if somebody absent in presence list also? Anyway me share class with teecher from Eest Europe. She say she heer that thare is only women in class, lets see.
Charity office say thare is 3 inmatriculation. 3 student, 2 teecher, too little student for so many teecher. Maybe announcement in german and nobody understand? In one refugee center caretaker did so: 3 page house rules in deepest burocratic german, eritrean mechanician – one month heer – should reed and sign plees.
Before course i herd i must teech by school book. But then i need schoolbook! OK, i can get schoolbook in office. Ah, i herd thare is beemer, ware beemer? Still must organize beemer, also problem security – but soon. I go course, start 4 student. Want to ask office woman becaus registration – some hav registration, others nothing, and in form german bureaucratic words like ‘Aufenthaltsstatus’, this is leegal status of foreigner – must do all this? If must do, must fill forms all day insted german class. But office woman in meeting. I begin: My name Zé do Rock, what your name? I come from Brazil, you come from ware? What is your job in your country? Mor 2 student come. Make pronoun: me butiful, you ugly. Make greeting and polite forms: good morning, good afternoon, hi, hello, how you do, thank you, plees, plees i hav no money! Mor student come. I make numbers. Come mor 2 student. All agen: My name Zé, what your name? Ali Al-Turimi? OK, call you Turimi – 4 Ali in class too many Ali. Ware you come from? Syria, Syria, but also other arab and african countries. Also chinese – why come chinese, is China not wonderful democracy? And not only women in course, actually mor men than women. Profession? You name it: mechanic, acountant, technician, truk driver. And you, Zayid? Lawyer in Syria. And you, Zabar? Poleeceman in Iraq? Oh! Plees wait, i go toilet! And i go to door as if fleeing. Zayid say: “No problem! He poleeceman, me lawyer!” 
3 mor student come. What is name, ware come from, one mor time and one mor time, ai ai ai! Make lot gesticulation, but sometimes difficult: how can make gesture for word ‘how’? Or word ‘can’? Then prefer say in english french italian arabic somalian chinese. Unfortunatly my chinese not so good, somalian eeven worse. Syrians mostly speek bit english, but some student speek nothing exept own language. Me look dictionary and say to chinese girl: huòzhe. Girl laugh. I show word to her, she say: aaahh, huòzhe! But that was what i sed! End of class, over dozen peeple. Then come woman from office and want know who payd. Some maybe payd not, others maybe dont understand – we still had not verb ‘pay’. And me? I filld one list – must fill other 2 also? No no, i will get new list. Charity own rules, building administration other rules, city administration other rules, country administration other rules, still hav to coordinate, but difficult cleering shelf when flood – of peeple. Important is that refugees understand that evrything perfect in Germany, must adapt!




Alô amigos,
wie ihr vermutlich gemerkt hat, schreib ich schon lange nicht mehr hier. And that wont change so soon. Mais maintenant il y a des vidéos dans youtube. Aqui est la publicidee pra la nuevos videos:


die 3 ersten videos der serie LANDES E LINGUAS sind nau auf youtube, abaut 1) the portugase languag, 2) Argentina, 3) la lengua aleman. Vad ai videos sobre linguas e outre temas, mas a maiorie va bi sobre países. I war imahin in 146 landern, mostli hitchhaiking but sometimes also cicling or walking, et i had baucoup problemas avec les voleurs, la police e las femas.
Si tu fal las 5 linguas basicas (dieselben wi in dise text), yu can acompane la spoken text, ki ist la line la plus hai des subtitlos in bas, na 2 premiers videos. Ab la video 3 la linguas kedan sempre na same posicion – so is mais fácil le sem sta streset et injoi la vid. Si du spik non ale dise linguas, is beta consentra in un solo lingua.

Si tu vole go tu el unale video et is a normale person, vi video 1B: Si du bin a lingua-frik, vi la completo vercion, co la numer 1A. If yu ha poco tempo, vid a (corto) clip (1C, 1D, etc). Hir is la lincu tu el index page du youtube videos: Pro el otre videos co la numero 2 e 3 vale la same prinsip. Sun plu videos va ven.

E forgete no: if yu comprendou non algu, yu can stope la video e le calmli, o yu can go bak e le wat yu comprendou no. Nu ha comprension pro dat, non ali ha la same linguistico brilians as nu.
Apropoh: ale mai 5 bukes is nau in Edition Diá, yu can coupe lus pro exemplo in Amazon. Meibi yu interesee tu la craudfunding projecto de dis editi: O tu su bukes: Lis hav a fantastico program co mult autlandian autoris e so lis apoi refugis as mi.
I wishe yu multi haha e multi yuhu, si posible



(i volou fas a separee mesage, mas al is new hir in wordpress, et i canou no fa lu – pardon!)




Brazilyalılar dikkat etmelisiniz: europanoca olarak, DI /di/ ancak /dZi/ telaffuz edilmez – TÜR2 – brazilians should take care: in europano, DI is pronounced /di/, not /dZi/. Os alemaes e os eslavos devem tentar pronunciar o D final como D, e no como T. Das englishe TH wird im europano mit D geschrieben, aussa wenn das wort vom griechian commt, dann simpel mit T: Teatre teories. ‘The’ remains ‘the’ for the moment, because dis is no europano word: the article in europan is, as we know, ‘la’ – or ‘el’ before vocals – but for dat we have to wait for the letter L. Ah, oui, et la D muet du français disaparait. Y el T aleman en palabras germanicas cambia al D, cuando la palabra en las otras lenguas germanicas tiene D.

Basicamente esta serie es sobre la países, mas a veces es tambien sobre otros temas. Şimdi ben mültecilere alman dersleri veriyorum ve ben alman gazetesi Berliner Zeitung bu konuda bir dizi makale yazdı – TÜR3 – Now i’m giving german lessons to refugees, and i wrote a series of articles about it for the german newspaper Berliner Zeitung. Eu va postar alguns deles aqui.

Maine Shazza sagt, ich sitz zu oft in mainen büro, dag und nacht am computer, ich sollte raus – how about giving refugees german classes? OK, je vais enseigner alleman aux refugiés pour une organisacion caritative, comme ça je suis au moins un peu utile pour la monde. Mas antes de comenzar, yo estoy invitado pra una parrillada de la refugiados, yo solo espero que resten algunos refugiados pra la cuales yo pued enseñar aleman. Через місяць, я отримую 2 списки присутність, i оdин список віdсутність – UKR1 – One month later i get 2 presence lists and one absence list – mas é necessario mesmo uma lista de absência, se a lista de presença ja diz quem est absente? Egal, ich taile den curs mit a lehra von Osteuropa. She herd dat dere are only women in the course.

La bureau de la charitee dit quil ay 3 matriculacions. 3 estudiantes y 2 profesores, son pocos estudiantes pra tantos profesores. Може bути, bуло оголошено тільки що зроbив на німецькому, і ніхто не розумів? – UKR2 – Maybe the announcement was just made in german and nobody understood? Num centro de refugiados o zelador fez assim: 3 saiten hausregeln im besten funccionars-deutsh, eritreishe mechaniker – ain monat hier – sall lesen und undaschraiben bitte.

Before the course i herd i’m supposed to teach by the schoola book. Oui, mais dans ce cas il faut avoir la livre! OK, puedo buscarlo en la oficin. Ах, і я чув, що у них є проектор, dе знахоdиться проектор? – UKR3 – Ah, and I have heard that they have a beamer, where is the beamer? Ah, projector ainda tem que organizar, tem problema de segurans – mas em brev o problema será resolvido. Ich gehe in den curs, starte mit 4 studenten. I want to ask the office woman abaut the registration – quelques étudiants ont un registre, des autres ne lont pas, mais dans la formulaire il y a des mots bureaucratiques allemans comme ‘Aufenthaltsstatus’ (el estado legal del estrangero) – mae’n rhaid i mi wneud hyn i gyd? – WAL – do I have to do all this? Se eu tiver que fazer isso durante a classe, eu va passar o dia inteiro preenchendo formulario de estudante.

Aba betreuer in sitzung. I start: mon nom est Zé do Rock, comment est ton nom? De donde vienes? Што ваша прафесія? – BEL – What is your profession? Vem mais dois estudantes. Ich mache pronomen: i’m beutiful, you’re ugly. Je fais la salutacions. Buenos dias, buenas tardes, hola, aló, gracias, por favor, por favor yo no tengo dinero! Повече стуdенти иdват – BUL – More students come. Eu fasso os números. Commen noh 2 studenten. My name is Zé, what is your name? Ali Al-Turimi? OK, je tappele Turimi, 4 Ali dans la classe sont trop Alis. De donde vienen? Sýrie, Sýrie, ale i dalších arabských a afrických zemí – CZE – Syria, Syria, but also other arab and african countries. Chinês também – wieso commen auch chinesen, is China nicht a blühende democratie? And dere arent only women in the course, actually men are the majority. La travail? Todo posible: mecànics, comptables, tècnics, conductors de camions – CAT – mechanicians, accountants, technicians, truck drivers. E tu, Zayid? Advocat in Syria. And you, Zabar? Policier en Irak? Uh! Por favor, esper un momento, yo vad al baño. Jeg løber hen til døren, som om jeg var på flugt, Zayid siger: DAN – I run to the door as if I was fleeing, Zayid says: “No ha problem, ele é policial, eu sou advogado!”
Da commen noh 3 studenten. What is your name, where do you come from, again and again, ai ai ai! Je gesticule beaucoup, mais parfois cest difficile: como puedo hacer el gesto pra la palabra ‘como’? Või sõna “võib”? – EES – Or the word ‘can’? Daí eu prefiro explicar em inglês, francês, italiano, arabe, somaliano ou chinês. Laider is main chinesish nicht so gud, main somalish is noh plus mau. The syrians speak some english, but some students dont speak a single word in other languages than their own. Je vois dans la google traducteur, et dit a la chinoise: huòzhe. La china se ríe. Thaispeáint mé an focal san fhoclóir, a deir an cailín Sínis, aaaaahhh! EIR – I show the word in the dictionary, the chinese girl says, aaaahhh! Huòzhe! Foi o que eu disse! Ende der classe, da sin nu über a dutzen leute. Den the woman from the office comes and asks who has pai the fee. Quelques etudiants nont pas payé, peut-être, peut-être des autres nont pas compri – no tuvimos todavía el verbo ‘pagar’. Kaj mi? – ESP – And I? Eu preenchi só uma lista – muss ich die anderen 2 auch ausfüllen? No, i will get a new one anyway. La charité a ses propres règlas, ladministracion du batiment des autres règlas, ladministracion de la cité des autres règlas, ladministracion du pays des autres règlas. Mas es difícil organizar la estantería cuando hay una inundación – de gente. Garrantzitsuena da errefuxiatuek egiten ulertu in Alemania dena da perfektu dela, egokitu behar dute! – EUS – The important thing is that the refugees understand that in Germany everything is perfect, they have to adapt!




The sound /f/ is spelld with F: The schizofrenic filosofer lafd so loud, he provoked a catastrofe. And of course useless F’s disappeer.

Second day with german course: some student come not, but many new ones, altogether almost two dozen, hav to get mor chair and table. Need felt pen for blak bord that is wite, but door for compartment with writing stuf closed. Hav to find someone in office with kee. And then: pink pen very week, and probbably reffugees bad eyes. Green pen also week. Eventually take blu, very good very strong, but later want to deleet and cant deleet. Then hav to write presence list but hav no pen, normal pen. Normally always hav 1 pen in jacket, 3 or 4 pen in rucksak, today nothing, one student lend his pen, becaus me, teecher, hav no pen. Hav to show to foreigners in Germany evrything perfect! But OK, me brazilian. New students come – also indians. India also dictatorship? Come butiful woman from Kosovo. English nothing, german nothing, only albanian – problem, becaus my albanian rather no good. Must start from beginning. Yeah, worst language problems i hav in Europe, mostly Eest Europe. OK, actually also many french speek nothing only french, in Spain many spanish speek nothing only spanish. For me no problem, but for english or german or russian or greek offen problem.

Must explain pronoun: ‘sie’ (pronounced ‘zee’) meen ‘she’, but meen also ‘they’, and meen ‘you’ – german very exact, sometimes this sometimes that. If person unknoen or very important with suit and ti, dont use ‘du’ (you, thou), use also ‘Sie’, respectful ‘you’. Thus 3 pronoun meenings for the word ‘sie’. OK, this is no problem for arab, they know system, but for english speekers or for chinese big problem. Chinese sistem super basic, dont hav eeven difrence between ‘he’ and ‘she’. By way, japanese opposit: dont know 2 words for ‘you’, but 6 words for ‘I’, depending importance of other person and how much must bend down. Japanese nuts. In old times mor nuts, they had 30 word for ‘I’, depending how much bend down. If you refuse collector, hav to bend down till floor.

Brake for fresh air (Marlboro), Mohammad say to Kosovo woman he saw she in event X for reffugees and other calamities. Kosovo woman say she was thare but never seen him. I explain: Mohammad, you remember this woman becaus she butiful, she remember not you becaus you ugly. Very simple.

Come two new afghanis. Anyway students know alreddy important words: toilet, money and shit! Important to call names, in German hav to integrate, so hav to lern how to call names in german. Besides: foreigner shouldnt beet wife. Politicians warn foreigners, not 15% of german men who beet wife – maybe only foreigner should not beet woman, beeting wife only a rite of german man? And foreigner hav to lern honesty! Many foreigner like german soccer, so maybe big boss of FC Bayern, Hoeness, could tell foreigner in TV jingle that must be onest – now he not in prison anymor, for good behavior (after hiding all those millions in Switzerland), so he must hav time.

In beginning, only eesy german word, like ‘spritzt’ (you splash, cf. ‘thou splashest’) or ‘sprachst’ (you spoke, thou spokest), syllables with 8 letter, later wen they better traind also word like ‘schleichst’ (you sneek) or ‘schmauchst’ (you smoke with plesure, thou smokest), syllables with 10 letter. Also word like ‘sechstschnellster’ (the 6th fastest), with 8 consonant in row, and in last course week full program with words like ‘Grundstücksverkersgenehmigungszuständigkeitsübertragungsverordnung’, which means mor or less Regulation for the Transmission of Competences in the Estate Trade Licences.

I teech week days, then i ask Yousouf what he will do monday. He say: “Beeting foreigners.” Lernd alreddy system Germany!

End of class, outside take fresh air (Marlboro) with some students. Ask woman from Kosovo what is job. No job. OK, now no job, is forbidden for not yet recognized reffugees – but erlier, in Kosovo? No job. Problems in your country? Yeah, always shit – already lernd word (german ‘scheisse’). Many problem, she say – but no problem, avanti popolo!

The land of the sour crowd – A terribly diffizile language


In den amerikanischen war Filmen der enemy shouldnt look like the Heroes, so die Amerikaner can be blond in Filmen agenst Japaner or Araber. But in Filmen agenst die Deutschen, diese haben tu be fett und blond, und die Amerikaner haben a gute Figur und haben dark Haar. Of course it is a Steretyp – in den nordernmost Staaten die Deutschen are indeed quite blond, as in Nordpolen, but de further south, de darker der Pöbel. They’re just de centraleuropäischen Typus. Und since Millionen Immigranten kamen tu Deutschland, they’re becoming still darker. Although der dark Pöbel get paler again, because of wat die Mittel- und die South Deutschen call ‘das Scheisswetter’ und die Norddeutschen ‘dat Schitwedder’.

(weiterlesen …)

The land of the sour crowd


Germans are fölker who like a war, they are kald, brutal, organisierd and disciplinierd. They machen goode Karren, drink loads of Bier, eat Schweine Fleisch, Sauerkraut, sausages, and of course, they are tall, fet and blond. Diese are die Stereotypen. And du findest dat alles in Germany, but generelly it doesnt habe much tu do with dat. If du ask a german if he wants tu go tu de war or tu a movie theater, he will certainly say he prefers tu go tu de movie theater. (weiterlesen …)

Bayern, München


Nord of de Alps du findst a region of Central Europa dat was initialy kolonizied by neanderthals, dan by homo sapiens folks about who wi know very little because they ware ignorants who ware not able to write, so they didnt leave books, newspapers or google for us to get any information about them. Later die indo-europeans kame from de region at de “border” between Asia and Europe. Erst die kelts, dan die romans, dan die germanic tribes, speciely die “bajuwaren”, who kame from de River Elba, dat is from Czechoslovakia and Saxonia, and nowadays they call their land Bayern, in Englisch Bavaria. (weiterlesen …)

Kebab Land


Normally i’d call it the Sausage Land or Sauerkraut Land, but the fact is that the most popular food in Germany is kebab.

Shazza sags dat de suffering made me mer beautiful. Quite a dilemma: rather habe a good time and get fet or stay slim and suffer? And of course i got brown, in Afrika there is a yellow ball in de sky dat appears almost every morning, dat makes de air get warm and de skin brown.

(weiterlesen …)

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