journey archive

HS – LESSON C – AUSTRIA

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MOZART AND HITLER

 

The letter C is dropped when it is not necessary, as in ‘bak’, ‘lak’. And since austrians speak german, or something similar, the language will become a bit german…

In the ald times the austrians were the bosses of the other germans, in what was called the Holy Roman Empire, later called the Holy Roman Empire of German Nation. Their empire extended from the american continent to the Black Sea, they sent queens even to Brazil. And how did they end? As a little republic in the Alps. And they are the victims of bavarian jokes, when they are about stupid people, as the poles are the stupid people in american jokes or the irish in the english jokes.

(weiterlesen …)

HS – LESSON B – AUSTRALIA

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THROWING CANGAROOS

We’ll cut the silent B’s, the rule for all cuttings is: just cut if the most likely way to pronounce the resulting word is the right one. So we can cut ‘lamb’ to ‘lam’, ‘bomb’ to ‘bom’, but we cant cut ‘climb’ to ‘clim’, because this would suggest the wrong pronunciation, as rhyming with ‘dim’. We have to wait until the lesson E, then we can spell ‘clime’.

(weiterlesen …)

HS – LESSON A – ARGENTINA

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ARROGANT GAUCHOS

After a long break i’ll go on with the blog, and i’ll present my language and orthographic systems. I’ll do it alphabetically. If you’re not interested in the linguistic aspect, you just have to skip the part in italic at the beginning.
The first system i will present in english is the House Stile, usually shortened HS. It is the system the TESS, The English Spelling Society, voted to use – the members voted on all proposed single changes, although it is not used officially yet. The HS has actually only four rules: 1) cut redundant letters, 2) regularize short vowels (enny, uther, becum), 3) regularize long vowels (i will wate until i dont hav overwate ennymor), 4) F for F (telefone, paragraf, enuf – enuf is enuf!).

(weiterlesen …)

A brasileira

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Wen u talk about brazilian wimmen in Europe, the men tend to get a hard-on imeediatly. The image of hot and eesy stiks to the brazilian wimmen like glu. But after all, they’r not that menny. 100 millions altogether, but only 1/4 is of childbaring age and in a presentable condition. So we’r left with 25 millions. But 1/3 has overwate, 1/3 underwate, so just 1/3 is left, that makes 8 million. (weiterlesen …)

Ik heff a padaria

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In Espirito Santo i go to Santa Maria de Jetibá, in the mountanas, west of Vitoria, the capital. Most people in the area are pomeranians. Thare are also people from the german region of Hunsrück and from Switzerland, but they were assimilated and pommerized. But it is better to be pommerized dan to be pulverized. En dis town some houses remind of Germany, but de pommeranians here dont feel much as germans, dey feel rather as pommeranians. Aldo dey speek a low german dialect, a big part of Pommerania is nowadays en Poland, besides dey descend from de wends, who wer a slavic tribe, and even de nam comes from de slavic ‘po morje’, “at de see”, while Poland comes from de word ‘pole’, field, and meens ‘en de inland’. So de poles wer de pople en de inland, de pommeranians de pople at de costa. (weiterlesen …)

Flavia, the lite on thousand

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Rato, the Rat – of corse just a nikname, had givven the tip to visit a guy in the sertao, a guy who has a mine in his house, a huge hole in his livving room, 100 meeters deep, as he ses. He’s been digging for yeers, and has found enny sort of stuf, including gold. He’s got a single tooth and drinks a rom, a cachassa, with a snake inside the bottle – the snake is ded, of corse. Evry guest has to drink it, if he wants to be his guest, eeven if only for 10 minnuts. Rato tels that it was his hardest culinary expeerience evver. The mine sounds like an intresting story, but neither Pagé nor i want to drink this snake liquor. Pagé is a good frend i met on the way, a realy clevver guy, without doing enny dammage to uther peeple… (weiterlesen …)

Brazil, Land of Vollyball

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In the 3 most poppulus cuntrys of the werld, football is as important as cammel races in Greenland. And stil, football is the most poppular sport in the werld, becaus China, India and the USA dont hav a common favorit sport, and eeven the single cuntrys dont hav a cleer idea wat thay like most – wat is mor poppular in the States, american football, basketball oder baseball? Ennyway, in terms of numbers of vewers thare is no event by far that compares with the Football Werld Cup. U can be in Papua New Guinea or Madagascar, if it is Werld Cup peeple ar waching it like rats hipnotized bi a snake.

(weiterlesen …)

The woes of the brazilian middle class

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Wen germans talk about sumthing that is driving them nuts, thay say ‘das is zum mäuse melken’, this is to milk mice. And thats wat i think about the meedia reporting about Brazil. Wat cums on the cuvver, the Sugar Lofe plus parrot, or rather samba scool? Of corse, in the bakground the favela, the slum. And the report shouldnt miss samba and football, and cum to think of it, samba is the music from the region of Rio and the southeest, but not menny peeple heer it in uther regions – pop, rok, sertaneja (a sort of very schmaltzy cuntry music) ar the champions. And thare ar a lot of peeple who ar real pernas-de-pau, wooden legs, who cant play football and ar not intrested. In Africa the guys kept asking me all the time if i can teech them sum football, but thay playd much better than me, so i always told them i had a nee problem that day.

(weiterlesen …)

Normal japanese

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The dolfins jump happily on the waters of the Amazon rivver. On the shor eeven the smallest villages hav electricity, wich cums from the generators. Lite wouldnt be so important for the indians and caboclos (mix of indians and wites), but nuthing goes without TV heer!

And finaly i intervew sumbody from the reegion. Raiol cumsh from Soure, on the Marajó Iland, the biggesht river iland of the world, and livsh in Belém, /be’leN/. I thaut that only the cariocas, the inhabbitantsh of Rio, pronounce the S that ish not folloed by a vowel, ash a SH, but the paraenses do the same. As if it washnt enuf that i liv in Stuttgart now, the cappital of Mercedes and Porsche, ware they do mor or lesh the same, now i hav to heer thish all the time. Raiol sesh that the portuguese of Pará ish considderd the besht of Brazil, but for me it ish hard to imagine that – since wen tooth gap diction is a perfect pronunciation?

(weiterlesen …)

Hitler is brasileiro

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In Fortaleza i had an intervista with Josy. Of curso she’s bissexual, as seemly so menny in Brazil. Her actual name is Josilene, which is a mix of the names of the parents, José and Leni.

The nordestinos, the northeesteners, like tu combine the parents names. Sometimes the added names, sometimes the first sillable from the father and the last sillable from the mother, etc. Imagin if this becomes the rule, then the son of Charlotte and Oscar is called Chaos, Eve’s and Gil’s kid is calld Evil, the son of Christian and Doris is named Chrisis, Angela and Gregory name thare son Angry. The only lucky one is the son of Astrid and Ronald, he becomes the Astronald.

(weiterlesen …)

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